Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize