I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
