I am in a vortex of obligation.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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