i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
you are never too drunk for berry picking
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
