we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
