I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
