I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
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