if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
apparently the secret to your success is patron
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
