Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
