Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
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