dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
