kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Randomize
