As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
