I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
