I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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