Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Randomize