I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
