So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
