There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Randomize
