He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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