So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
