he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
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