what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
