Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
