OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
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