I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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