Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I think my fart just growled at me.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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