brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
So many bounce houses so little time
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
