I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
It's official drugs can't kill me
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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