So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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