I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Randomize
