# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
