wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
