I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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