You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
