i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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