so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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