Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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