Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Life without a bra equals bliss.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
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