oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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