I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
