I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Randomize
