I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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