it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Randomize
