i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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