i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
