is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize