Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Randomize
