Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
