if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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