Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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