i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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