Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Randomize
