can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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