Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
