I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
