Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
