So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
