Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize