Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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