The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
