my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
