I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
