wat bout pragnant strippers??
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
