so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
