awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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