I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
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