I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
