I want to stick my p in your. b.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
