Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
