I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
