Sry I called you an 8
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I checked into jail on foursquare
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
