I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Randomize
