is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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