I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
