Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
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