I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
