the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
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